Lessons From Kindergarten

A Timnath columnist reflects on hard-earned lessons in business, community, and human nature that go far beyond the classroom basics.

In 1986, American minister and author Robert Fulghum published a collection of 50 essays in a book entitled All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten. In the first essay, from which the title of the book is taken, Fulghum asserts that the world would be much better if only adults adhered to the same basic rules that children were taught: sharing, being kind to one another, cleaning up after themselves, and living a balanced life of work, play, and learning.

While Fulghum’s essays have been criticized as simplistic and oversentimental, apparently his work resonated with someone because the book stayed on The New York Times bestseller lists for almost two years, and there are 17 million copies in print of this and his other books.

I read Fulghum’s book and wouldn’t disagree with the premise of his title essay (although I’d rank cleaning up after oneself as secondary in value to the other rules). Meanwhile, I’m pretty sure my kindergarten must have taught these lessons because I graduated, and I have the little diploma to prove it. But Fulghum’s assertion aside, I believe I’ve learned more important lessons—many the hard way—in this last third of my life than in all the previous years combined, including the following:

I worked for my father in high school and initially out of college. I’ve learned the hard way in my later years that I was naïve to believe that all business was conducted as Dad did: in good faith; the customer’s not always right, but you should still try making it right; and, just because you can do something (taking advantage of others), doesn’t mean you should. As I said, I was naïve.

Regarding problems, I’ve learned that many people would like to right the ship, but few will pull the oars. But I’ve also learned that leaving well enough alone isn’t acceptable, since well enough is seldom enough. Hence, I’m often rowing alone.

Perhaps you’re familiar with the expression, ‘seeing how the sausage is made’, which refers to understanding the complex or unpleasant details behind a process. I’m in my 16th year of volunteer service with various endeavors. And, while I wouldn’t change a thing because of the satisfaction I derive from the work, I’ve learned that, unfortunately, I can’t enjoy the sausage without spending time in the kitchen.

As head of our HOA for 15 years, I’ve learned many frustrating lessons: how few residents actually read the governing documents to which they must adhere; that realtors promise their buyers services we don’t deliver; and that all it takes to quell an unrealistic complaint is asking the complainant to chair a committee to address the matter.

I’ve learned that arguing’s a waste of time and energy. But first I had to learn disingenuous patronization and reverse psychology, neither of which came naturally to me. [Warning: Don’t try this at home.]

Relatedly, I’ve learned not to ask, “How can people be so clueless,” because I now realize how much more competitive the world would be if everyone was more responsible. Yes, we need these people.

Based on my experience, it appears that Fulghum missed a few important lessons.

Phil Goldstein is in his 7th year writing Tales from Timnath for North Forty News. Phil is a 16-year Timnath resident who is finally using his West Virginia University journalism degree after getting sidetracked 53 years ago. The views expressed herein are Phil’s only. Contact him with comments on the column at NFNTimnath@gmail.com .

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