What to Do If You’re Feeling Nervous About Dating

Going on dates is one of the parts of life that everyone does and has an opinion about. If you are seeking connection and you want to meet someone who you can have a genuine conversation with but you are wracked by nerves, you are not alone. Read through this helpful guide to learn some tips on what to do if you’re feeling nervous about dating.

Understand Your Nervousness

Maybe you have had bad past experiences or have never been on a date before and don’t know what to expect. No matter what is causing your nerves, getting to the bottom of it by talking with a therapist or talking it through with some close friends can help you have some clarity before you start dating. The better you understand your anxiety around dating, the sooner you can overcome it.

Common worries about dating are fear of rejection, awkwardness, uncertainty about expectations, and wanting to make a good impression. Remember that feeling nervous about something means that you care about it and you want to enjoy the benefits if everything goes well. Once you understand your nervousness better, you can use it as a sign that you are ready to make a genuine connection with someone.

Manage Expectations

The inundation of popular culture into the public psyche has led many to have warped expectations of how dating should or shouldn’t go. When you go on dates, it is important to remember that life is almost always not like the movies and people are just people. There will be awkward moments and there will be dates that don’t lead to anything, but that should not deter you from going on them. 

Your expectations about dating should be realistic in that you should be hopeful to find a connection but not to the point of fantasy. Everyone has their own things going on and dates are meant to find out if there is a spark between two people. Even if there is no romantic connection, you could find a friend in this new person and that is something to be hopeful about.

Conversely, do not go into dates assuming they will go wrong. Sometimes, especially with online dating, assumptions can be made about matches. But you can be pleasantly surprised by someone’s personality and you could end up having one of the best dates of your life with someone unexpected.

Prepare, But Don’t Overthink

Sufficient preparation for a date can help ease nerves, but over-preparing by doing things like overdressing or making yourself look how you do not normally look can give the wrong impression and lead you to act in a way that is not yourself. For example, it is important to pick an outfit you feel comfortable in, or else you will be thinking more about how uncomfortable you are during the date instead of engaging in meaningful conversation. 

If you are worried about what to talk about, prepare a few warmer questions in your head, but do not go so far as to bring flash cards. This could make your date nervous and will mean that you will be too in your head during the date to actually enjoy yourself. If there is a spark, the conversation will flow naturally after the first few questions.  

Practice Self-Compassion

Bad dates happen to everyone, so if this is something you are nervous about, it is important to remember that it does not reflect badly on you. It can be easy to slip into negative self-talk after a bad date, but the best thing you can do is give yourself compassion. Dating can be hard and not every date will be fantastic and that is okay. Remember to talk to yourself as you would talk to a good friend. Everyone gets nervous in new situations and it can be a very endearing quality that many people are attracted to.

Start Small

When you jump into the dating scene, it is important to take it one step at a time. It is not the best practice to immediately go on seven dates in seven days or something unrealistic like that. Start with one date per week and if you are enjoying the experience, move up from there. Taking on too many dates at once can lead to confusion and not being able to focus on the person in front of you because you are juggling all the other people in your head. 

This advice also applies to each date. You do not need to plan elaborate dates that add a lot of pressure to the situation. For first dates, go for a coffee, a walk, or a shared hobby activity like a ceramics or painting class. These activities allow for free-flowing conversation and not a lot of things to distract from the date. Simple date plans will alleviate anxiety about showing off or trying to have a conversation while being overstimulated.

Shift the Focus to Your Date

For many people, being nervous can lead to overtalking. If you are this kind of person, it is important to check in with yourself mid-date and evaluate how much you have been talking about versus how much your date has been. If you feel like you have been talking too much, shift the conversation to ask them questions about themself. This will give your brain a break and let the spotlight be on them for a while.

Set Boundaries

If your nervousness stems from things moving too fast on dates, do not hesitate to set boundaries for yourself from the get-go. If the person you are going on the date with pushes back or tries to break those boundaries, then you can leave any time you want as you don’t owe them anything. A great boundary to set is requiring that all first dates are in public places. This is a great way to make the situation feel more safe and if the date feels sketchy, you can feel reassured that you are surrounded by lots of other people.  

It is natural to feel nervous about dating as it means that you care about how it goes. Use this list of tips to get you through the initial stages of dating and soon you will be a dating pro.