Free Money For All — Coming to Northern Colorado

By Jonson Kuhn | North Forty News

April 1, 2023 – Could you use some free money? What about free money and free TV dinners? Well, if you’re a resident of Northern Colorado, you’re in luck.

It was announced earlier this week that a group of local billionaires, who have asked to remain anonymous, will donate a total of 1 billion dollars to residents in Larimer County and a few of the surrounding counties within northern Colorado. The anonymous billionaires said they want to stimulate the economy of Northern Colorado with a new program they’ve titled as “MO’ DOUGH, NOCO.”

The only action item on the MO’ DOUGH, NOCO agenda? Simple. Bring NOCO mo’ dough. The anonymous billionaires have committed to doing this by giving each individual within qualifying northern colorado zip codes $5,000 — and a year’s supply of TV dinners.

“We just love northern Colorado, and we want to see it prosper,” said one of the anonymous billionaires during an anonymous interview at an anonymous location. “My anonymous group of friends and I were sitting around one day trying to see which one of us had the most money when one of my friends suggested we give some of our money away. At first, we didn’t understand what our friend was trying to say; the words didn’t make sense or something. ‘Give money away,’ it sounded crazy.”

“‘You mean like give it away to other people?’ I asked. Once my friend explained that you can give money away to people who don’t have a lot of it, something called ‘charity,’ we all agreed it sounded like a good idea, if for nothing else than for tax purposes,” said one of the anonymous billionaires.

A spokesperson for the Billionaires, who asked to remain anonymous, said it was a great opportunity for Northern Colorado citizens to get ahead financially and a great opportunity to eat well for at least the next year.

“I eat TV dinners almost every night, and as you can imagine, that adds up; it’s not like the grocery store gives them away for free, you know?” the spokesperson said. “So, to hear that a group of billionaires decided to give them away for free and a whole year? Let me tell you, I don’t exactly know how much a year’s worth of TV dinners costs, but it’s almost better than the $5,000,” said the spokesperson.

A representative from the TV dinner company could not comment in person but responded in an email by stating, “Obviously, this is exciting news for everyone. We’re all just pleased to hear people know that TV dinners exist and are still eating them. Sales have been down lately, and we were considering taking drastic measures. Still, this order to provide everyone in Northern Colorado with TV dinners for an entire year, I would imagine, will keep us pretty busy for, I’d say, at least the next year.”

An area Mayor, who has asked to remain anonymous, said the latest news could broaden government on a local level and help end hunger (at least for the next year). The mayor said, “we should all applaud the efforts of these unnamed billionaires. More people should follow in their footsteps.”

“Think about it, if more anonymous people handed out free money like this, how often would we have to work? Like hardly ever, we could all stay home and have TV dinners,” the Mayor said. “I don’t know about you, but that sounds exactly like the America I was promised when I was growing up, and it’s been a long time coming.”

Well, if you’ve read this far — THANK YOU. Because I might have just FOOLED YOU. Money and TV Dinners are not usually free. This article is false, and it is an APRIL FOOLS JOKE!