Sex and the Choice City: Shiver Me Tinder

by Malini Bartels
Is this a good car selfie for my Tinder profile? I’m cruisin’ down College Avenue in a convertible with wind blown hair and some sweet shades. Would you sleep with me? Swipe right if you’re interested…
Don’t know what I’m talking about? Well, consider yourself blessed. If you’re clueless about the most superficial app on the planet then you obviously have a better life than me… or, I’m just having more fun than you! I constantly check my Tinder messages and relish in the chance to be judgmental about someone’s profile. Do I like your face? Yes or no. That’s pretty much it. It’s shallow fun at its lowest and it works like a charm. What’s more American than that? It’s really no different than honing in on a hottie at a bar or concert and asking for their number. Except now you can anonomously diss the uggies you run across without hurting their feelings. The app searches for people in your area and you decide if you would like to meet them or just waste your time texting. You can narrow down your search by age range and geographic vicinity. So, if you’re too lazy to drive to Denver to meet someone, nobody needs to know! Don’t worry… it’s legit. You have to log on through Facebook, which controls all your “likes” and pictures you’ve collected over the years. Besides, who’s going to create a fake Facebook account with a fake name and fake pictures and fake interests, just to get a date? Yeah, I met that guy. I also had some great conversations with pilots who were in the area, but they quickly flew away. Literally.
What started as a dare quickly became a drinking game and eventually my newest obsession to find the perfect date. Every time you match up with someone, you celebrate. How fun is that?! There is always a chance you will really hit it off and want to see them again and again. The possibilities are endless and Tinder just gave you the opportunity to see who the super cute people are in your current geographic location at any given time. Of course, to be really fun, everyone should be on Tinder, and unfortunately, not everyone on there is single. If they only have pics of their dogs, their cars and obscure nature shots, it’s probably a red flag. Oh, I’ve also run across multiple shots of men holding the big fish they just caught. Is this a reference to something? It seems that half of Fort Collins is newly single. I’ve also noticed that after a divorce, one person immediately jumps into a serious relationship (because it obviously started before the marriage was over) and the other becomes a slut, right? Tinder just makes it easy to get back in the game and virtually tell people Y-O-U-R awesome.
Note to self: check spelling.