by Suzanne Carter, MA, LPC Therapist
We all have 2 Superpowers, and when we choose to use them, all our relationships can be transformed into their full potential.
These Superpowers are Presence and Expression. Mark Nepo, poet and philosopher, identified these as powers we all have.
They go hand in hand. One won’t work without the other.
The super-power of Presence means we become willing to be present with our essence, who we truly are, in our relationships. To do this, we must be willing to connect with our truest self.
The easiest way to connect with our truest self is to know what our needs are. This may sound too easy, but if you identify your needs and seek to meet them, you are practicing self-love. As we support our loved ones in meeting their needs, we are practicing love of the other.
Ted Klontz, PhD, has identified these six categories of needs:
Belonging, autonomy, safety, self-expression, purpose, connection
I came up with this acronym to remember them:
Be a Super-Star Practicing Connection.
Think about these needs for yourself and then see what areas you need to focus on for yourself. As we tend to our own needs, we can be more present to the needs of others.
Then after we connect to ourselves, we must learn to express who we are from the “I”, with good boundaries. I have an excellent communication tool called THE FEEDBACK WHEEL, that can be found on my website, and it was also referenced in an earlier article in the N-40 paper. Or I can send it to you via email.
In summary, we can be present to someone and really love them but if we are not communicating from this authentic place within, then we are not using both of our superpowers. OR we can express, but if we are not connecting first to who we are, then the communication will fall flat.
In the end, when we do connect to our authentic self, and express from this place, then we are able to be present and express in Love. This means we are not trying to fix, or advise, or see the other as someone who is broken and needs our worldly wisdom. As we are present to them, we are helping heal the world by simply loving the one we are with.
A simple affirmation to remember these two powers:
I connect to who I truly am, and I express from this inner place of love and wholeness.