by MALINI BARTELS
Wearing panties is a choice – and they don’t call this the choice city for nothing.
Recently, the legging fashion trend has made an incredibly strong comeback in our illustrious town. While decades ago, it was considered proper and cute to wear a shirt long enough to cover your backside while wearing leggings, this does not apply to today’s fashion-minded public. Now people are wearing leggings like they are straight-up pants! Apparently, even the transparent kind is acceptable to wear in public with nothing to hide. Of course, this means that everyone can basically tell if you are wearing underwear, and exactly what kind. Do you go with the $12 kind that swears you won’t be able to see it because the seams are so flawless? Or do you wear the ones from the five-pack of Hanes? Maybe you wear a thong so people don’t see a line on your buns, but they notice the quintessential thong “V” near your waist? Maybe you should just wear nothing at all!? The latter seems to be the choice of many, and I’m not just talking about your Tour de Fat costume or your outfit during Be Bad Hip Hop (yes, I was in the back noticing.) There are many options these days and it’s very confusing to know what to do.
I happen to love wearing underwear. It seems to me that the rest of Fort Collins does not feel as passionate about this as I do. I smile when I see a pantyline, because then I know that undergarments are essential part of that person’s wardrobe. While guys walking down our street love showing off their boxer waistlines with their jeans half way to their knees, the ladies of the Fort are showing you every single cellulite ripple and crease. All of it.
Of course, now you know I’ve been walking around town staring at the backsides of everyone. Yes, this means you. I feel the need to keep a close eye on the slightest hint of undies on the fabulous citizens of Fort Collins. It helps me to know that everyone is safe and secure.
So, go commando if you dare… Just know that someone like me is noticing. You just might see a “No shirt, No panties, No service” sign pop up in the future and know that I warned you.
Malini Bartels is a freelancer in Fort Collins who enjoys wearing underwear. That is NOT her butt in the picture.