Tales from Timnath: Things I Just Don’t Get

Phil Goldstein

There are many things people do or don’t do that I just don’t get. Of course, it may be me– perhaps I’m just too narrow-minded, particular or unhip–but I’d like to think I’m not alone in at least some of these puzzlements. Considering how much I don’t get anymore, I know I can write more than just one column on the subject, so consider the following part one of the “Things I Just Don’t Get:”

• I don’t get personal training. Do trainers’ patrons also pay someone to tell them how to eat, shower, or do their laundry? And what’s with all the talking? I’ll listen for half the price and be twice as candid about how to get fit.  
• What did parents do before they buried their heads in their cell phones? Oh yes, they interacted with and/or kept an eye on their kids.
• While walking the dogs recently just before dawn, I observed a fellow driving by with his lights off and texting. Did I mention he drove an electric car? Save the planet, the heck with the pedestrians.
• To the woman who announced her name, address, and the family’s vacation dates on a local social networking site—I hope your homeowner’s insurance is paid up.
• Expressing one’s individuality by doing the same thing as everyone else. I’ll leave whatever exhibitive affectations those are to your imagination, but hint, what would Julie Andrews not do?
• Of course, you must look at your phone when someone else in the group does; you certainly wouldn’t want to appear less popular. And speaking of phones, does the time you spend in the gym reading and writing texts count as workout time?
• How can Meat Loaf not be inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame yet?
• Why do we often ask, “How can people be so clueless”? Just imagine how much more competitive the world would be if everyone was more responsible. We need these people. 
• Can I set up a crowdfunding campaign because I want a bigger house and a faster car and don’t have enough money for them?
• Wouldn’t it be easier to find everything in a supermarket if they put all the items in alphabetical order, say peas next to pet food?
• If you go to the library and ask where the self-help books are and the librarian tells you, wouldn’t that defeat the purpose?
• How hard could American history class have been in 1777?

Part 2 of “Things I don’t get” after I see if anyone I know is still speaking to me. And be sure to write to me if you don’t get what I don’t get.

Finally, thanks to those readers from whom I’ve heard about my first few NFN columns. It’s nice to know I’m connecting.

Phil Goldstein writes Tales from Timnath periodically for North Forty News. Phil is a nine-year Timnath resident who serves the Town of Timnath as chair of the Timnath Planning Commission. Phil is finally using his journalism degree after getting sidetracked 47 years ago. The views expressed herein are Phil’s only. Contact him with comments on the column or suggestions for future columns at [email protected].