Thanksgiving

Phil Goldstein  | Northfortynews.com

It’s November, hence some thanksgiving is in order. First and foremost, thanks to North Forty News Publisher Blaine Howerton for giving me this forum over the last 5 years and 60 columns. When I signed on initially with NFN, I set out to write news and information about our town. I soon morphed the column into a satirical soapbox, a tongue-in-cheek means of addressing life’s frustrations and frustraters while also easing my post-retirement lack of relevance and identity. The positive feedback I received from readers validated my decision to finally use the journalism degree I’d been awarded in 1973; a bonus was three other area publications then recruiting me to write. Please support independent Northern Colorado journalism by donating to NFN.

I’m certainly thankful for my wife Amy. She tolerates my obsessive quirks—although I don’t know what’s wrong with alphabetizing the cans and jars in the pantry—and I’m proud of her two separate, long-time careers and thriving, post-retirement pet sitting business. I’m especially thankful that the last two years are behind us, given the loss of both of her parents, one of our dogs, and pickleball-induced orthopedic surgery for us both (twice for me).

I’m thankful for lessons taught me by my parents: Never go along to get along; just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should; confidence is quiet, insecurity is loud; and, don’t keep up with the Joneses, BE the Joneses. They also insisted that Studebaker made the best cars, which is why I bore the ignominy of driving a rusting 1960 Lark station wagon throughout high school.

Besides my parents, I’m thankful for some other great role models I’ve had and even for those who were the opposite. From them I’ve learned what not to do. 

I’m thankful for large families at restaurants who, rather than engaging in worthwhile conversation such as, “What did you learn in school today?,” are instead engrossed in their phones. That makes the establishment a lot quieter.

Thanks to Timnath Town Council and Mayors past and present for giving me the opportunity to serve the town on its Planning Commission these last 14 years. When the work goes smoothly, it’s immensely rewarding. And when it doesn’t, getting it right anyway is even more gratifying. I’m also indebted to my colleagues who’ve entrusted me with their chairmanship for 10 years and to my longtime vice chair, without whom I couldn’t do this important work.

I’m glad that I’ve mastered disingenuous patronization, which is helpful for killing time at boring parties until I get to go home. It’s sure easy keeping some people talking only about themselves.

I’m thankful for friends who drop by my rock and country band’s weekly practices. We always welcome people joining us because it’s more fun playing for others, and there’s always a spare microphone for aspiring background singers. Since taking up the drums eight years ago, something I’d wanted to do since I was ten years old, I’ve upgraded my kit, outfitted a spare room as a practice studio and enrolled in the Fort Collins School of Rock to get advanced instruction. [Write me if you play or sing and want to sit in.]

I’m thankful that I’ve learned the art of reverse domestic psychology, as in, “I think we should eat out tonight,” when what I really want is dinner at home.

I’m a big fan of the men and women in the military who keep us safe, especially the really fit ones who do the dirty work. Therefore, I’m thankful for those parents who don’t buy their kids e-bikes, e-scooters or e-anything that doesn’t require muscle power.

I’m thankful for incompetent people. Imagine how much more competitive the world would be if everyone was better at what they did.

Finally, I’m thankful for the many NFN readers who let me know that they appreciate my work, especially the satirical writing that’s my usual style. Knowing there are those who relate to my farcical musings is certainly worth celebrating on the fourth Thursday in November. 

Phil Goldstein is in his fifth year writing Tales from Timnath for North Forty News. Phil is a 14-year Timnath resident who is finally using his West Virginia University journalism degree after getting sidetracked 51 years ago. The views expressed herein are Phil’s only. Contact him with comments on the column at [email protected].