Mom and Dad’s Principles

by Phil Goldstein | NorthFortyNews.com

As I do every year around Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, I remember the valuable advice my late parents gave me. For instance, when I was starting college, they suggested that studying finance—as they both did—would be important if I hoped to someday manage the family’s business interests. I didn’t listen, but they humored me anyway by paying for the journalism degree I earned in 1973 and then didn’t use for 44 years when I got sidetracked by other career opportunities.

I finally dusted off that diploma in 2017 when the first of three area publications asked me to write, followed in 2020 by the opportunity to write this column for North Forty News. 

Among my saddest regrets is that my parents never lived to see their ‘investment’ finally pay off. But I believe they’d be proud to know that whatever success I’ve had in life is because I followed most of their other guidance. My parents were highly principled, and that’s reflected in the following examples they set that’ve served me well:

My parents made acquaintances easily, but their real friendships came only with an understanding that such relationships required giving of themselves to help others without expecting anything in return. And if those whom they helped responded in kind, that sealed the bond. But for Dad, even something as simple as his weekly golf game became a friendship litmus test. He was the guy who for several years arranged the weekly foursomes, competitions and related 19^th hole events for a large group. But when others didn’t return the favor in due course, he quit and joined a tennis club. It seems Dad just liked doing nice things for others—to a point—more than he liked golf.

Mom and Dad counseled that I’d meet a lot of interesting people in my life, and that I should spend more time learning from them than talking about myself. They taught me the common social courtesy of inquiring about others’ welfare, vocations and avocations rather than being an “all about me” person whose favorite subject was themself. Dad especially had no patience with these narcissistic know-it-alls, often reminding me that, when someone said, “I know that for a fact,” they usually didn’t.

Given his lifetime in business, I had considerable advice from Dad in that regard about ethics. His primary principle was that, while the customer wasn’t always right, you should still bend over backwards to make it right. Relatedly, he cautioned about doing business with those who would officiously take advantage just because they could, which he considered almost sinful.

I received many lessons about personal finance, especially the importance of saving well and investing better, with frequent reminders that affording the payment is not the same as affording the purchase.

And because I didn’t get married until I was 48, there was plenty of time for Dad’s advice about matrimony. He once offered that when I finally did marry, the best answer to a question would be, “Why don’t you tell me what to say, and I’ll agree,” and that any suggestion I made should be followed by, “or not.”

Finally, encouraging me to seek my own path and avoid obsequious following of others, my parents counseled me not to ever go along to get along. And, more importantly, I shouldn’t try keeping up with the Joneses, but rather, I should BE the Joneses.

Thanks Mom and Dad. Other than not listening about that journalism thing (even though it worked out), I hope I got the rest of these right because I really did try.

Phil Goldstein is in his fifth year writing Tales from Timnath for North Forty News. Phil is a 14-year Timnath resident who is finally using his West Virginia University journalism degree after getting sidetracked 52 years ago. The views expressed herein are Phil’s only. Contact him with comments on the column at [email protected].