Why Do I…

by Phil Goldstein | NorthFortyNews.com

Columnist Phil Goldstein gets ahead of the rumors by answering the questions you didn’t ask—but might have been thinking.

I’m not really into gossip. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I like getting the scoop on the foibles, follies, and faux pas of those in my social orbit as much as the next person, but I don’t like being a gossiper myself. 

It’s not a matter of trust either. I’m not naïve about gossip and human nature. Dad cautioned me at an early age that only the dog would keep secrets, and we didn’t even have a dog.

I suppose one reason for my gossip disinclination is that I figure that whoever is the recipient of whatever dirt I dish on someone else probably wonders what I’m saying about them when they’re not around.

But the main reason I seldom gossip is because I’ve never been one to not care what others think about me. And while I lose a lot of sleep second-guessing myself—what I say and what I do in interpersonal interactions—I definitely heed that old adage about living in a glass house and rock throwing.

With that said, I know questions surely abound about my gossip-worthy eccentricities, of which there are many. So let me get out ahead of the wagging tongues for you loyal readers with why I:

wear a wind-up wristwatch. Because everybody else wears watches that apparently have many virtues… but they don’t require winding, so I’m keeping the skill relevant;

still drive an internal combustion vehicle, not electric. It seems like a no-brainer—5 minutes at the gas station versus 90 minutes at a charging station;

forego social media. I’m just not that interesting… and telling the world that we’re leaving our house vacant while on vacation next week sure doesn’t seem like a good idea;

still enjoy serving the Town of Timnath on its Planning Commission after 14-plus years, even though some people might question the imposition on my time and sensibilities of this often-difficult volunteer position. It’s because of the relevance and self-satisfaction of public service, and definitely not because I like reminding residents that they shouldn’t have listened to the realtor who said nothing would ever be built on the beautiful open space behind their house; 

am playing less pickleball and more drums these days. Nail the drum solo before a large and appreciative audience, and maybe you’ll get it;

have an appreciation for quality vehicles. You would too if the family car you drove on dates was a rusty 1960 Studebaker station wagon;

believe that abuse of one’s position is one of the greatest sins in life, other than not squeezing the gas pump handle fully when other cars are waiting behind you;

exercise daily. The common tertiary definition of religion reads ‘a pursuit or interest to which someone ascribes supreme importance’. Exercise is my religion;

initiated a successful Adopt-A-Street trash pickup program here in Timnath. If you can cajole others into doing a dirty job like that, you can do anything;

continue to write these columns in this and other publications. There are still some people and the disconcerting things they do that I haven’t satirized yet; 

got better at patronizing. It was either that or continue suffering fools gladly, and that wasn’t working for me; and

changed my college major from geology to journalism. I foolishly registered for mineralogy, chemistry and calculus in the same semester, so goodbye rocks, hello North Forty News.

So now I’ve come clean. Be well, everyone.

Phil Goldstein is in his fifth year of writing Tales from Timnath for North Forty News. Phil is a 15-year Timnath resident who is finally using his West Virginia University journalism degree after getting sidetracked 52 years ago. The views expressed herein are Phil’s only. Contact him with comments on the column at [email protected].

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