Happy New Year to our NFN readers! We’re looking forward to the end of this dad-nabbed double-dip recession, but also have a few predictions for 2012:
• Despite what the Mayan calendar foretells, the world will not end. But as the election campaign drags on, voters will long for it.
• Gov. John Hickenlooper will be seen Tebowing on the steps of the state capitol when he realizes his salary is about 6 percent of that of Colorado State’s new football coach Jim McElwain. He will
be joined by CSU students after they pay their 20 percent tuition increase.
• Record sub-zero weather will freeze hundreds of residential water lines around Fort Collins, including — ironically — the water line to entrepreneur Aaron Million’s house.
• Scratching their heads as to how any judge could force a state to dedicate 80 percent of its budget to school funding, the Colorado Supreme Court will overturn Lobato vs. State of Colorado faster than the Occupy Denver movement rebuilds its sidewalk shanty
• Work on the last segment of the oft-delayed Greeley water pipeline will get under way in late 2012. Nah, just kidding.
• Because Chevrolet is the show’s official car sponsor, fictional TV character Wo Fat, driving a 2002 Ford Escort, will be apprehended by Hawaii Five-O’s Steve McGarrett, driving his sleek new 2012 Chevrolet Camaro. Ever notice how the cars getting blown up in the show are Fords?
• On the international front, Iraq will spiral into civil war now that the U.S. isn’t there to referee.
• As the exchange rate for the Euro continues to plummet and nationalism rises across Europe, EU members will return to their former currencies. Long live the drachma!
New Year’s resolutions from the North Forty News staff:
Doug Conarroe, publisher: “To remember birthdays.”
Kate Hawthorne, reporter: “To ride my bike to the North Forty News office without becoming one of those annoying cyclists.”
Mark Moody, advertising: “Try to achieve a whole new level of patience with myself and those around me.”
Gary Raham, designer: “I resolve to write from the heart, paint from the soul, and never take beauty for granted. I also plan to keep my pencils sharp, my socks dry, and social media under control.”
Anne-Marie Scherrer, advertising: “I resolve to find an agent and send one of my novels to publishers.”