by Blaine Howerton | NorthFortyNews.com
When Grief Ripples Beyond Borders
As many of us did this week, I woke up to the heartbreaking news of a school shooting in Canada. The details are still unfolding, and national outlets are reporting verified facts as they become available. (For full reporting, see Reuters’ coverage here: https://www.reuters.com/.)
Here in Northern Colorado, however, the deeper story may not be about what happened there — but about what rises up in us when we hear it.
For parents, those headlines land close to home.
“I think it’s common for parents to experience fear that this could have been their child,” said Sarah Saltee, Executive Director of 3Hopeful Hearts, a Northern Colorado nonprofit supporting families after the loss of a child. “Even when things happen to other communities, we’re all aware that they could have just as easily happened in our own backyard.”
There is often relief — followed by guilt. Relief that it wasn’t your family. Guilt, knowing another parent is living an unimaginable reality.
“It’s somewhat complex,” Saltee said.
For parents who have already buried a child, tragedies like this can reopen wounds.
“It’s impossible not to feel empathetic toward families who have lost their children in such a tragic and public way,” she said. “The emotional weight of this kind of tragedy was initially very difficult to navigate.”
Saltee emphasized that grief doesn’t only surface when someone dies. When children hear about violence at a school, many are grieving something else: their sense of safety.
“They are grieving the loss of safety and security,” she said. “Grief isn’t always about death. The more often we recognize that we’re grieving, the more we recognize we can cope.”
For families trying to talk with children and teens this week, her advice is steady and grounded: normalize emotions. Keep conversations age-appropriate. Don’t overshare disturbing details, but don’t be dishonest either. Children often sense when something is wrong, and avoiding the truth can increase fear.
When loss is sudden and traumatic, grief carries additional layers.
“There’s no such thing as the grief Olympics,” Saltee said — a phrase often shared at 3Hopeful Hearts. “One isn’t better or worse than another, but there are definitely additional complexities that need to be addressed when a loss is sudden and traumatic.”
One of the most lasting impacts after the death of a child is isolation.
“As time goes by, people stop acknowledging the loss,” she said. “There’s often a sense that everyone else has gone on with their lives while the pain is still very real for the grieving family.”
Something as simple as saying a child’s name can matter more than we realize.
“People often think that talking about their child who has died will be upsetting to a grieving parent,” Saltee said. “We want you to know that our children who aren’t here consume our thoughts both consciously and subconsciously. We never forget them — and we want more than anything to know that you won’t either. Please say their names and remember them to us as often as you can. It’s like music to our ears.”
Saltee also encouraged normalizing professional support, especially when grief begins interfering with daily life.
“Every bereaved parent I’ve ever talked to says it’s a struggle to get out of bed some days,” she said. “If it becomes impossible to get out of bed for multiple days, it may be time to seek professional help.”
3Hopeful Hearts serves Northern Colorado families navigating the death of a baby or child of any age. The nonprofit offers peer-led one-on-one listening sessions, specialized support groups for parents and grandparents, youth camps and retreats, and community education focused on grief literacy and healing. All services are provided at no cost to families.
For those who may be struggling quietly right now, Saltee’s message is simple:
“You are not alone.”
Families can learn more or connect with support at www.3hopefulhearts.com, by calling 970-430-6136, or by emailing [email protected].
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